What is Emotional Blackmailing?
The online Cambridge Dictionary defines it as:
"the act of using a person's feelings of kindness,
sympathy, or duty in order to persuade them to do something or feel something"
Sound familiar to you? Are you a victim of someone in YOUR life who treats you this way? If you answer yes to any of these questions, read on.
6 Signs Someone Is Emotionally Blackmailing You
Manipulating your decisions and choices by reacting negatively to the choices he or she decides isn’t what they want you to do.
Intimidate you until you do what they want.
Blame you for something that you didn’t do so that you feel you have to work overtime to win back their affection.
Accuse you of doing something you didn’t do for the same reasons.
Suffer dramatically and publicly until you agree to do what they want to make them happy.
And the worst: Threaten to harm either you or themselves to get you to do (or not do) something.
Doesn't that sound like a child having a temper tantrum? I bet you've seen a scenario at some point in your life where you witnessed a child throwing a tantrum to get his/her way to get the parent to buy them that toy. What it is: annoying. What it's not: endearing.
I'm going to open your world up to something so much better. Something that'll make you realize that the way you've participated in your relationship with an emotional blackmailer has been one of a victim. But if you're an adult relating to this, you are responsible to accept the victim role that you put yourself in. We can investigate all day long about the behaviors of emotional blackmailers; what they do to us, how they act, how to spot one, how you know you're in love with one, etc.
But there's a view you probably won't see a lot written about: how YOU got yourself there in the first place and how to effectively stop the pattern within YOU. This knowledge is your ticket to freedom.
Here's the truth- you are someone of worth, and I don't even have to know you or meet you to say that. But it's clear that YOU don't feel that way about yourself, because if you're currently involved with someone who emotionally blackmails you, you abandoned your rights to a healthy self esteem awhile ago.
Here's How To Get Your Power Back:
First: Accept your role in this dynamic. Yes, you are the victim, and yes you chose to be one. Self accountability is KEY.
Second: Recognize just how unsafe you are on an emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical level with this person. Now ask yourself, would I let my kid (insert your favorite pet's name here if you don't have kids) be treated this way? If the answer is yes, contact your nearest psychologist (or vet) and get into treatment asap...this article is not for you. If the answer is NO, you have the capability of creating viable change for your negative patterns that keep you stuck in perpetual pain! You will be needing to look at your relationship with you inner kid.
Third: Believe boundaries exist with yourself first. Most articles you'll read about how to get out of a relationship with an emotional blackmailer will talk only about setting boundaries with your perpetrator. I find this in credibly shocking. Because if you knew how to set boundaries with this person in the first place, you'd have done it already. The truth is you don't know how to set or maintain boundaries. Most victims feel like setting boundaries is not an option! It will be imperative to discover how you've ignored your boundaries or never had any to begin with.
And Fourth: This is where I come in. Do a wellness counseling session with me. In just one session I can have you facing any fear with a strength you never thought you had. Emotional blackmailers only seek out those that are willing. When you're tired of being a punching bag, call me to help you get out and stay out of these patterns!